Gutted.

Well it has just hit me that life on cloud 9 will be coming to an end in 8 days time. My best friend Demi will be heading back home to Greece next tuesday. There is no hiding it, I am absolutely gutted. I feel like someone has just ripped out my heart from my chest. It hurts BIG TIME. Make that 10 times worse than any pain that ex-Hemorrhoid ever caused me.

I'm still recovering from a cold too so i can't even smash out a kick-arse workout to clear my head and find some peace. Even the thought of studying doesn't appeal to me either ATM.

On a positive note i have decided that i will be doing a trip to Europe in 2013 which will be exciting (even though its another 2 fuckin years away). So saving for that starts next paycheck!

Time to (try) and turn this frown upside down..

Here's are a pic from the weekend:

My new blue-black hairdo.

and in the words of Madonna:

STRIKE A POSE, THERE'S NOTHING TO IT.

VOGUE.

A Magical Month!

Ok so you know its been a looooong time since you have blogged when people start asking if you have died still write!. Four people in one week! Woah, feeling the love, people are missing me! So i finally logged into Blogger and OMFG, its been 4 weeks! Holy shit, sorry to keep you hanging peeps! Truth is, life has been so fuckin exciting i have barely had a chance to chill, let alone allow myself 30 minutes to write a blog.

You wanna know why?

My bestest friend in the whole enitre universe has FINALLY made the trip back to Australia from GREECE after 7 fuckin years!!!! Excited? Much? You have no idea! Demi has been here for 4 weeks so far (hence the blog abscence!) and will be staying with me for another 2 glorious weeks of fun and mischief!

I think i had forgotten what it was like to be truly happy 24/7. Everyday has been filled with smiles, hugs, love and so much laughter... our secret sexy six-pack exercise ;-)

One thing i have learnt from her is to ENJOY ALL FOODS.. in small quantities... Must be that Mediteranian philosophy! It's all about calories in vs calories out people. I've really relaxed on my food obsessiveness this month and i am in better shape than ever... According to D, you can still eat your Uncle Toby's Fibre Plus Cereal, English Fruit Muffins, Jalna Vanilla Yoghurt, Pasta, (that is what is currently in my pantry!) Sushi... and wait for it.... Maccas Grand Angus Burger and still sport at super sexy body like this:

My other exciting news is that i finished my first semester of uni with killer results. I got a High Distinction (7) and a Distinction (6)!

Semester 2 began this week. I'm doing Cross-Cultural Psyche and Developmental Psyche which should call for an interesting semester!

And last of all...

Guess who has been initiated into the SUB 49 min 10k club!!!

MEEEE!!!

Last week i smashed out a 48:51min 10k baby! So who knows how fast i will be running in the next month, maybe sub 46? The sky is the limit!

Well i'd better fly, but here's a few pics of us before heading out to Zuri Bar last weekend!

Such Posers...

Always Smiling...

And how could i leave without my signature pose!

A Major Breakthrough...

Today was a day for breakthroughs....big ones. It all happened when i began an interview at work on the topic of irrational fears. We had barely been chatting a couple minutes when my heart began to race, my hands began to tremble and my mind went blank. FYI, i am a chatterbox, i don't shut up. Not today. I was speachless. Only minutes before the interview began i had a list of things that i wanted to discuss but all of a sudden i could barely spit out a sentence. All of these repressed feelings were beginning to surface and tears began to well up in my eyes.

We had to change the topic due to my speach impairment lol and decided that we would do the interview another week which would give me a chance to write everything down on paper. As soon as i got off skype i opened up MS Word and began typing. I had to let it all out.

What i discovered about myself this afternoon was that i have an irrational fear of being assertive when a situation is outside my control. In my element, i am confident and a great leader, but take me out of my comfort zone and i am bombarded by irrational thoughts of rejection.

I honestly thought i had stopped blaming my mum months ago for all of my insecurity issues. But today it was evident that i hadn't completely let go. It occured to me that the moment i set a big goal, a little negative fairy emerges from my unconsious whispering to me that my desires to succeed (in areas that are important to me) are pathetic, that i am not worthy of success, so why bother trying when my efforts will never be good enough to impress my mum. The very issue that haunted my teenage years that led me to my love-hate relationship with chocolate. ANd so the bingeing began.

So there you have it, that was DEEP and very RAW. My blood pressure is still HIGH but i feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I am now ready to let that go because i know the only person i need to impress is myself. I don't need to be fearful anymore for fear only holds you back from surpassing your wildest dreams.

After that discovery i went on to have a KILLER boxing sesh! I nearly made poor John, my boxing partner throw up his birthday cake lol. ANd on another happy note, yesterday i initated myself into the sub 50min 10km club! I smashed out 49:36min and took 53 seconds off last weeks PB!

Anwyay i must fly and write a new list of affirmations to help set me free!

Operation Photo Shoot (OPS): Week 1

Isn't this cold snap the pits?! I'm sitting here sipping my black coffee, wearing four layers of clothing.... and looking like an eskimo oompa loompa lol. For those of you who don't know me, I am a SINGLET girl. I DON'T DO SLEEVES!!!

Anywho, i have had a successful week of being sugar free. Ditching the sugar had made such a difference to the way i feel, you have NO IDEA. No cravings for chocolate, dessert or any 'naughty food' in general. And because i am feeling so good about myself i am not even thinking about those foods that once had their own VIP section in my mind lol. To add to that, my training has been killer this week. I have felt so strong and UNSTOPPABLE that i have been able to really push my limits... and that of my training partners'. I also smashed my 10k PB by 34secs too. 50:54mins. The thought of running a sub 50 scares me a little. That means i have to cruise at 12kph on the treadie but i will give it a crack on tuesday!

Onto the exciting stuff....

As you know, i have been lost for a BIG fitness goal for quite sometime time now. I had been umming and arring about doing another show but have decided against it, purely for the reason that dieting and studying doesn't mesh well together. Also too, having gone sugar free i feel like i am gaining control over this bingeing thing so i also don't want any 'prep stress' to put me backwards either.

So as you can tell from the Title, I have booked a photoshoot instead!!! It's 13 weeks away from Friday (just gone) and i am super excited!! The date is concrete which has brought a lot more focus to my mindset. My previous 'weight-loss' goals didn't have a definite time-limit, so i would always 'justify' my slip ups. Not this time. It is GAME ON.

I know exactly how i want to look like, and whether that is 3kgs away or 4, i don't want to get toooooo caught up in reaching a specific number anymore. Having said that i will be weighing in on fridays, tracking my progress and most importantly how i feel at each benchmark.

SO here are my starting stats:

Week 1: 10/06/2011
Weight: 62.9kg

In my head i'd like to see 59 but i do need to remember that anything below 60.8kg is technically 59... You know what i'm talking about! haha

SO there you have it. I have a GOAL. And i am going to get there in a HEALTHY, BALANCED and STRESS-FREE way.

On a final note, i have been kicking arse at uni too! I get my grades back for Foundation Pscyhe B on tuesday - i only need a pass on my last exam to end up with a Distinction overall... so just quietly, i think i have got that one in the bag :). I have my Foundation Psyche A exam in a couple weeks time. I only need 54/100 on the exam for A Distinction but if i can pull off 74/100 i will get a High Distinction!

SO time to stop procrastinating and study study study!!

I'm Baaaaaack! Conquering the Fear.

Blog? What blog? ... Oh shit i forgot.... I have a blog! .... lol

In a nutshell, May was one hell of a month:

- I completed 2 major assignments and 2 online exams for uni;
- I flew to Cairns and Port Douglas for a four day work trip. Three of those days fucken RAINED! (Can you tell i was bitter lol?) But at least it was 27 degrees. Not like these BS 12 degree mornings we've been experiencing in Brisbane atm ... How long till spring?;
- And i have just come back from a four day sales conference at Sanctuary Cove.

So that's part of the reason i have been MIA. AND I'm sooooo behind on blog reading too. Hi blogworld, i have missed you!

So with all of the above, my life has been a wee bit out of balance. I've also missed a few training sessions (One word: DEADLINE/s) and food wise, i have been quite carefree at times too (One word: EXCUSE... yeah yeah i know) BUT after experimenting with a few different meal combo's, what i discovered last friday is priceless:

Cutting the milk and sugar out of my 3 coffees/day has vanquished my sugar cravings! Serious.

It might have to do with the fact that i am not starting my day with a mega insulin spike lol. I will admit that i'm not 100% sold on black coffee (with 1 tsp of xylitol) yet (i'm about 85%), but day by day i am enjoying it more. I can actually taste the coffee now and I'm really enjoying the pure caffeine rush :-)

Although i have missed out on a few gym workouts i have been running 10km at least once a week and have been slicing minutes off my time. As of tuesday, my current PB is 51:28mins baby! And yes, that is wearing my Vibrams. My legs are uber strong now and my calves are in killer shape.

Fitness endeavours aside, the little free time i have had in May, i have devoted to learning about the very essence of me- what makes me tick, and what sets me off. I've been reading books and talking to a variety of people. I want to get to that point where i have NO BARRIERS.... so i can conquer the world haha.

At conference this week, there was one phrase that struck a cord in me. I just couldn't get it out of my head:

Feel the fear and go with it anyway.

Fear will always exist in our lives however what we need to recognise is that it is just an unconscious Resistance that has the ability to prevent us from becoming EXTRAORDINARY. Resistance is the Negative Fairy that whispers in your ear telling you to have that extra piece of chocolate, to procrastinate, to skip a workout because, "you can just start fresh tomorrow". But really, every time you give into Resistance, you are moving the goal post backwards, furthering yourself away from living your dreams.

Fear makes us feel uncomfortable, thats why we buckle under pressure. For me, that equates to bingeing. No more. I hear Ms Negative Fairy whisper and i tell her to fuck off go to hell. It's just your mind playing games with you, testing your strength. Just know that once you acknowledge the fear, you can LET IT GO.

YOU control YOUR mind. YOU can conquer it all.

Steven Pressfield writes about this in his book The War of Art. It's a fantastic read. I had 'aha' moments nearly every page.

Last of all, i have an exciting new goal to focus on. I'm just awaiting confirmation of a date before i can share with ya'll. (sorry i'm a meanie hehehe) Stay tuned!!

Mega Procrastination and Comp Prep

Well i have successfully managed to do ZERO uni this weekend - talk about mega PROCRASTINATION!!.. I had more important things on such as boxing, 10km run (56:15mins - 1:12min faster than monday's run WOOT!), massage, dinner for mothers day, catching up with a girlfriend for coffee and even CLEANING! Yes my non-existant love affair with housework even took precedence over my two assignments that are due on monday 16th. That is 8 days from now!!!! Actually, i was smart or stupid enough to book my flight to Cairns (work trip) on sunday 15th so really i only have 7 days... didn't want to leave the assignments to the last minute!

SO until they are handed in i will be MIA from the internet. Serious. Refreshing your Facebook homepage every 5 minutes isn't very productive lol. The first one is about 85% complete and the second one is 50% done. Nothing too difficult, i really just have to pull my finger out and start typing... some A-class material.

Nothing like a deadline to get the ball rolling!

Which makes me think about my weight-loss goals. Even though i am only 3kg away from 'body perfectionique', and have been only 3kg away for an ETERNITY i have no deadline, no uber urgency which i know is one reason why my ability to stop at 1 lindt chocolate is in the negatives on a scale from 1 to 10.

WHat to do? i am a little confused!
TO compete or not to compete that is the question?
Would it turn me into a crazy, food obsessed lunatic like i have been in the past?
OR would the structure of a REALISTIC and HEALTHY comp plan from a coach be just the guidance i need to stay strong, focussed and cravings free?
BIG GOALS are scary but they do bring out the best in me.
I know once i commit there is no turning back.
But i also know that i am still dealing with bouts of binging so i question myself about the possibility of a nasty post-comp rebound.

Is the journey of a sportsmodel comp prep the right path to take?

What are your thoughts?

Running to Freedom

The rush of endorphins is what sparked my love for running. The clarity of mind that comes about whilst you pound the pavement is what i call freedom - nothing else in the world matters during those moments in time.

It's been quite a while since i have experienced endorphins during my training. This occured to me last night during my boxing sesh. Every drill hurt. I felt like i had the aerobic fitness of a 3-pack a day smoker. I had Ms Negative Fairy sitting on my shoulder that whole hour whispering in my ear that it was all too hard. I was struggling to snap out of my negative mindset and just LET GO..... and beat up John, my boxing bitch partner. You don't realise just how much mental energy you waste mentally whinging about the intensity of a training session. Seriously, it drains you!

So after a hot shower and some dinner it was time to chill out with 'The Fatties' (The Biggest Loser). Their quest for the day was the 'Reflection Walk'.  They had to walk miles and miles in the sand dunes with the amount of weight they had lossed to date in their backpacks (40-50kg). During the trek, they got a chance to reflect on their amazing journey so far and physically experience the 'weight' of their past. As you can imagine, it was a very emotional episode.

The show got me thinking. 'What exactly has been holding me back from reaching my goals?' It's like everytime i have made great progress, i retreat and take two leaps back. Even though i desperately want to cross that finish line, I seem to have been trapped in a bottomless pit of self-doubt.

So i made up my mind. The past is the past, you can't change it. Dwelling on the past will just eat you up inside. It was time to just LET GO.

And that is what i did.

Had it not been pouring outside this morning i would have hit the streets so instead i headed to the gym to go head to head with my mind and the treadmill. The goal was 10km. A distance i haven't run since december last year. I knew deep down that i was fit enough to run it. 10km is more so a test of the mind, anyone can do it. If the mind is strong enough it will carry your body through. Today i didn't care about times, i just needed to finish it and prove to myself that I CAN ACHIEVE ANYTHING I WANT TO.

Now i know i can. 54:35min. It felt amazing.

So with those endorphins still flowing through my veins, my self belief has been re-ignited. I am ready to WIN. WIN in every aspect of my life.