Wednesday, June 22, 2011

A Major Breakthrough...

Today was a day for breakthroughs....big ones. It all happened when i began an interview at work on the topic of irrational fears. We had barely been chatting a couple minutes when my heart began to race, my hands began to tremble and my mind went blank. FYI, i am a chatterbox, i don't shut up. Not today. I was speachless. Only minutes before the interview began i had a list of things that i wanted to discuss but all of a sudden i could barely spit out a sentence. All of these repressed feelings were beginning to surface and tears began to well up in my eyes.

We had to change the topic due to my speach impairment lol and decided that we would do the interview another week which would give me a chance to write everything down on paper. As soon as i got off skype i opened up MS Word and began typing. I had to let it all out.

What i discovered about myself this afternoon was that i have an irrational fear of being assertive when a situation is outside my control. In my element, i am confident and a great leader, but take me out of my comfort zone and i am bombarded by irrational thoughts of rejection.

I honestly thought i had stopped blaming my mum months ago for all of my insecurity issues. But today it was evident that i hadn't completely let go. It occured to me that the moment i set a big goal, a little negative fairy emerges from my unconsious whispering to me that my desires to succeed (in areas that are important to me) are pathetic, that i am not worthy of success, so why bother trying when my efforts will never be good enough to impress my mum. The very issue that haunted my teenage years that led me to my love-hate relationship with chocolate. ANd so the bingeing began.

So there you have it, that was DEEP and very RAW. My blood pressure is still HIGH but i feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I am now ready to let that go because i know the only person i need to impress is myself. I don't need to be fearful anymore for fear only holds you back from surpassing your wildest dreams.

After that discovery i went on to have a KILLER boxing sesh! I nearly made poor John, my boxing partner throw up his birthday cake lol. ANd on another happy note, yesterday i initated myself into the sub 50min 10km club! I smashed out 49:36min and took 53 seconds off last weeks PB!

Anwyay i must fly and write a new list of affirmations to help set me free!

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Operation Photo Shoot (OPS): Week 1

Isn't this cold snap the pits?! I'm sitting here sipping my black coffee, wearing four layers of clothing.... and looking like an eskimo oompa loompa lol. For those of you who don't know me, I am a SINGLET girl. I DON'T DO SLEEVES!!!

Anywho, i have had a successful week of being sugar free. Ditching the sugar had made such a difference to the way i feel, you have NO IDEA. No cravings for chocolate, dessert or any 'naughty food' in general. And because i am feeling so good about myself i am not even thinking about those foods that once had their own VIP section in my mind lol. To add to that, my training has been killer this week. I have felt so strong and UNSTOPPABLE that i have been able to really push my limits... and that of my training partners'. I also smashed my 10k PB by 34secs too. 50:54mins. The thought of running a sub 50 scares me a little. That means i have to cruise at 12kph on the treadie but i will give it a crack on tuesday!

Onto the exciting stuff....

As you know, i have been lost for a BIG fitness goal for quite sometime time now. I had been umming and arring about doing another show but have decided against it, purely for the reason that dieting and studying doesn't mesh well together. Also too, having gone sugar free i feel like i am gaining control over this bingeing thing so i also don't want any 'prep stress' to put me backwards either.

So as you can tell from the Title, I have booked a photoshoot instead!!! It's 13 weeks away from Friday (just gone) and i am super excited!! The date is concrete which has brought a lot more focus to my mindset. My previous 'weight-loss' goals didn't have a definite time-limit, so i would always 'justify' my slip ups. Not this time. It is GAME ON.

I know exactly how i want to look like, and whether that is 3kgs away or 4, i don't want to get toooooo caught up in reaching a specific number anymore. Having said that i will be weighing in on fridays, tracking my progress and most importantly how i feel at each benchmark.

SO here are my starting stats:

Week 1: 10/06/2011
Weight: 62.9kg

In my head i'd like to see 59 but i do need to remember that anything below 60.8kg is technically 59... You know what i'm talking about! haha

SO there you have it. I have a GOAL. And i am going to get there in a HEALTHY, BALANCED and STRESS-FREE way.

On a final note, i have been kicking arse at uni too! I get my grades back for Foundation Pscyhe B on tuesday - i only need a pass on my last exam to end up with a Distinction overall... so just quietly, i think i have got that one in the bag :). I have my Foundation Psyche A exam in a couple weeks time. I only need 54/100 on the exam for A Distinction but if i can pull off 74/100 i will get a High Distinction!

SO time to stop procrastinating and study study study!!

Sunday, June 5, 2011

I'm Baaaaaack! Conquering the Fear.

Blog? What blog? ... Oh shit i forgot.... I have a blog! .... lol

In a nutshell, May was one hell of a month:

- I completed 2 major assignments and 2 online exams for uni;
- I flew to Cairns and Port Douglas for a four day work trip. Three of those days fucken RAINED! (Can you tell i was bitter lol?) But at least it was 27 degrees. Not like these BS 12 degree mornings we've been experiencing in Brisbane atm ... How long till spring?;
- And i have just come back from a four day sales conference at Sanctuary Cove.

So that's part of the reason i have been MIA. AND I'm sooooo behind on blog reading too. Hi blogworld, i have missed you!

So with all of the above, my life has been a wee bit out of balance. I've also missed a few training sessions (One word: DEADLINE/s) and food wise, i have been quite carefree at times too (One word: EXCUSE... yeah yeah i know) BUT after experimenting with a few different meal combo's, what i discovered last friday is priceless:

Cutting the milk and sugar out of my 3 coffees/day has vanquished my sugar cravings! Serious.

It might have to do with the fact that i am not starting my day with a mega insulin spike lol. I will admit that i'm not 100% sold on black coffee (with 1 tsp of xylitol) yet (i'm about 85%), but day by day i am enjoying it more. I can actually taste the coffee now and I'm really enjoying the pure caffeine rush :-)

Although i have missed out on a few gym workouts i have been running 10km at least once a week and have been slicing minutes off my time. As of tuesday, my current PB is 51:28mins baby! And yes, that is wearing my Vibrams. My legs are uber strong now and my calves are in killer shape.

Fitness endeavours aside, the little free time i have had in May, i have devoted to learning about the very essence of me- what makes me tick, and what sets me off. I've been reading books and talking to a variety of people. I want to get to that point where i have NO BARRIERS.... so i can conquer the world haha.

At conference this week, there was one phrase that struck a cord in me. I just couldn't get it out of my head:

Feel the fear and go with it anyway.

Fear will always exist in our lives however what we need to recognise is that it is just an unconscious Resistance that has the ability to prevent us from becoming EXTRAORDINARY. Resistance is the Negative Fairy that whispers in your ear telling you to have that extra piece of chocolate, to procrastinate, to skip a workout because, "you can just start fresh tomorrow". But really, every time you give into Resistance, you are moving the goal post backwards, furthering yourself away from living your dreams.

Fear makes us feel uncomfortable, thats why we buckle under pressure. For me, that equates to bingeing. No more. I hear Ms Negative Fairy whisper and i tell her to fuck off go to hell. It's just your mind playing games with you, testing your strength. Just know that once you acknowledge the fear, you can LET IT GO.

YOU control YOUR mind. YOU can conquer it all.

Steven Pressfield writes about this in his book The War of Art. It's a fantastic read. I had 'aha' moments nearly every page.

Last of all, i have an exciting new goal to focus on. I'm just awaiting confirmation of a date before i can share with ya'll. (sorry i'm a meanie hehehe) Stay tuned!!