Thursday, November 5, 2009

A BULLSHIT BUBBLE...what a brilliant idea!

What a shit of a week this one has been...and guess what?... Its not even friday, ugh =(. Right now, i feel like a bomb that is just about to explode, and you bet ya...don't get in my way! Work has been crazy, I've been absolutely shattered and i feel like i'm angry at the entire world. And its nearly full moon too- damn water signs. So i've been putting on this half arsed smile to cover up my foul mood and pretending life is just red and rosey... but its not. After a long walk this arvo this is what i'd rationaled:

1. Hemorrhoid has been on the warpath. She's been nagging, yelling, and fighting with the entire household. If her and dad have one more argument, i swear i am gonna lose it! Seriously, whats the point of yelling at people? In the end, you're right back to where you started, it doesnt accomplish anything. And YES my bullshit blinkers are working, but i think i'd just be better off living in a BULLSHIT BUBBLE!

2. I had a really shit house workout today. I trained back and calves, but i couldnt for the life of me put the 'mind in the muscle', so i was getting very disheartened. I dont train well with weights on anger, i lose focus, which is not safe either. I train pretty heavy for an el naturale chicky, so poor technique could result in an injury. So if i'm still all bottled up tomorrow morning, i will be hitting the streets for a nice long walk for some more zen time instead.

3. I am exhuasted... both physically and mentally. Yes i admit it...finally. I'm one of those people who live life at a 1000 miles and hour and only rest when i start getting run down. By then, its too late and my 'time off' ends up being recovery time, and not relaxing time.

To give you an idea, this has been my year in a nutshell:

January to June: THE NIGHTMARE

-Lived, dealt and evicted an alcoholic room mate: Now that was one of the craziest experiences of my life. He got ambo'd outta my house with a blood alcohol reading of 0.46. You read it right, i had a 40yr old drunk vegetarian living in my house, half naked, wearing a purple sarong, cooking steaks on a gas stove at 2am ( N.b he is vegetarian), falling through the walls and windows...literally, urinating in the hallway and driving around the suburbs almost clinically dead. I have never spent so much time with the police until then.

-Broke up with a boyfriend. He made me violently ill. Refer to "My liver is having a Fit"

-Moved house again. Back to Hemmorrhoids' fortress. Now the Cons do out weigh the Pro (n.b. there is no 's' on the end of Pro). But there is a reason for it, which i will get to later, but the Pro is that i do not pay rent.

July to Now: LIFE KEEPS GETTING BETTER...most of the time =)

-Big changes with my work. Our company changed names, and my entire territory changed. I used to look after Bris north to Bundy, now i look after Bri south. Which is a good thing, however it meant starting over again, which was exciting, but still stressful.

-Competed in the QLD INBA figure show.

- Completed my cert 3 + 4 in fitness/PT.

- And in 6 sleeps time, i will have new boobs, woot!

So you see why, i am a little tired!

But the year is not over and i do have to add to my to do list:

Tomorrow i will be contacting my broker to make an appt to re-do my preapproval and get myself a UNIT! Hopefully in the next 6 months, that would be ideal, as i think that is the maximum time that i could slug it out in this hell house that i call home.

On a positive note- i have not binged at all this week to deal with ANY of my emotions. WOOT! My M&P Craving Control Spray is working a treat too, i highly recommend it to anyone who suffers compulsives tendancies like moi.

ahhhh, i think i am un-angry now. What a good vent that was.

Peace is the calm we find within our souls, when the world around us in chaos...i think i just found it.

Smile =)

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