Running to Freedom

The rush of endorphins is what sparked my love for running. The clarity of mind that comes about whilst you pound the pavement is what i call freedom - nothing else in the world matters during those moments in time.

It's been quite a while since i have experienced endorphins during my training. This occured to me last night during my boxing sesh. Every drill hurt. I felt like i had the aerobic fitness of a 3-pack a day smoker. I had Ms Negative Fairy sitting on my shoulder that whole hour whispering in my ear that it was all too hard. I was struggling to snap out of my negative mindset and just LET GO..... and beat up John, my boxing bitch partner. You don't realise just how much mental energy you waste mentally whinging about the intensity of a training session. Seriously, it drains you!

So after a hot shower and some dinner it was time to chill out with 'The Fatties' (The Biggest Loser). Their quest for the day was the 'Reflection Walk'.  They had to walk miles and miles in the sand dunes with the amount of weight they had lossed to date in their backpacks (40-50kg). During the trek, they got a chance to reflect on their amazing journey so far and physically experience the 'weight' of their past. As you can imagine, it was a very emotional episode.

The show got me thinking. 'What exactly has been holding me back from reaching my goals?' It's like everytime i have made great progress, i retreat and take two leaps back. Even though i desperately want to cross that finish line, I seem to have been trapped in a bottomless pit of self-doubt.

So i made up my mind. The past is the past, you can't change it. Dwelling on the past will just eat you up inside. It was time to just LET GO.

And that is what i did.

Had it not been pouring outside this morning i would have hit the streets so instead i headed to the gym to go head to head with my mind and the treadmill. The goal was 10km. A distance i haven't run since december last year. I knew deep down that i was fit enough to run it. 10km is more so a test of the mind, anyone can do it. If the mind is strong enough it will carry your body through. Today i didn't care about times, i just needed to finish it and prove to myself that I CAN ACHIEVE ANYTHING I WANT TO.

Now i know i can. 54:35min. It felt amazing.

So with those endorphins still flowing through my veins, my self belief has been re-ignited. I am ready to WIN. WIN in every aspect of my life.

Leaping out of the rut

As you know i had got myself into a health rut over the past few weeks. Yes i was training, yes my 'meals' were healthy but the added extras *ahem... junk* were becoming quite frequent. I had lost the enjoyment factor out of my workouts and to be honest i was just feeling downright lost. I was stumped to how i got there in the first place? Life was red and rosey only the week before...

It took me a while of deeeeeeeep thinking to sort myself out. I was even considering seeing a shrink. Don't laugh. Even though i have easily been able to maintain a fabulous figure (i'm not trying to brag, just being positive about my transformation :-) ) for the past year and a bit, 10yrs of yo-yo dieting, binge eating and total body image INSECURITY has kept me (at times) pretty fucked up in the head. I don't always see the sexy body in the mirror that everyone else sees which puts me in a foul mood.

What i realised is that i simply need goals. Big ones, ALL THE TIME, for ALL ASPECTS OF MY LIFE.

Uni goals - i'm striving to achieve 6s (Distinctions) for all my subjects so i'll be accepted into Honours. So studying is not an effort at all. I enjoy it and i make time fore it because i am doing it for a purpose.

Fitness Goals - ummmmm what? I HAD the goal of competing at Asia Pacs until i realised that prepping for a June show would be too stressful whilst i was studying. (INBA QLD titles in september is still at the back of my mind but at the moment, that show is waaaaay too far away). So yeah i was still training hard but i had somehow lost my purpose in the gym. Going through the motions of training does keep you fit and healthy but being average isn't good enough for me. Average is BORING. I NEED MORE.

Nutrition Goals - I'll admit that for me, eating a supercharged nutritious breakfast, lunch and dinner is easy. It's a no-brainer and comes naturally. I've never been into burgers, pizzas, breads, pastas, lasagnes, fatty meats or greasy 'meal foods'. Give me fish and vegies anyday.  BUT i do find that when my FITNESS GOALS are nowhere in sight, i do give EASILY into the Lindt chocolate, Magnum Temptation and the extra tablespoons of PB which gives me short-term satisfaction but long-term hell.

So where does that leave me? Well it occurred to me last night that there is one 'fitness thing' that i haven't been doing for quite a while. Since christmas if i'm not mistaken.

Running OUTSIDE.

Running in the elements has always given me a sense of clarity. It clears my mind, it empowers me and i simply feel free.... and amazing afterwards. The reason i had stopped was because i was getting blisters from my Vibrams as i hadn't bought any Injinji toe socks back then. I own quite a few pairs now. No more blisters, no more Vibram B.O. lol.

So as of this afternoon i am going to start back with 5km runs around my hilly neighbourhood. It's been a while since i have run more than a couple kms at a time so i'm guessing my time will probably be around the 27-28min mark (there are some fucking huge hills in Rochedale lol). My first big goal for the 5km loop will be to run sub 25mins. I'm not sure yet if i will be increasing my distance, i'll let my fitness levels guide me.

I'm looking forward to getting a dose of 'runners high'. It's been waaaay too long. I also know that with my runners high comes a shift in mindset. I shift into warrior mode. In warrior mode i am strong, i am a fighter and temptations become minimal. Why? Because i have purpose. And with that new-found focus will draw me closer to my physique goal. The last 3kgs is all about the mind now. I am at the stage where I can happily strutt around in nearly any clothes i desire because i am pretty lean BUT what i really want to be able to do is train in that damn gym showing off a sexy-six pack!!

3kg is the home stretch. I believe i can do it now. I'm pumped and i'm focused.

BRING IT BABY!

Happiness

What defines happiness?

Is it love; family; friends; work; achievement; money; health; food; ... your body? Or is it something deeper like self-love?

After reading this post by Tara last night, my head started racing at a thousand miles an hour. I came to the conclusion that superficial things can't create permanent happiness when your mind is forever battling with what type of mood it wants to be in. I believe that happiness is a reflection of the state of balance within one's self. It begins with self-love. To love your reflection in the mirror, you need to love the very essence of who you are. The negative mind can easily take that away from you if you are not feeding the positive mind with enough love.

It all starts with affirmations: Little sayings of positive self-talk affirming your goals, your desires, your beliefs, .... your love.

They need to be repeated everyday; muliple times until your unconscious mind automatically reverts back to them.

Self-love is the seed required for happiness to blossom. To keep that happiness blooming, seeds need to be planted everyday.

Today i am planting this seed:

I am beautiful.

Learning from your mistakes

Life gets tough sometimes but how you handle it is in your control. There are always two choices:
1. Be a warrior and tackle your challenges head on or;
2. Give in, be weak and fall into temptation.

This past week and a half has been a complete struggle. After having two weeks off training due to travel commitments and then sickness, i felt like a complete beginner. (Thank god i didn't have to resort to princess weights lol) I had lossed a little strength, endurance and boy did my sessions hurt. My mind wanted to push harder but my body just couldn't keep up. I seemed to be gasping for air, i could barely pump out 50 push ups, I was even taking rest periods (me-the Zuzana queen didn't know what 'rest' meant lol) and for the first time in weeks i couldn't even run a sub 10min 2km! Not to mention i felt flogged for the next few hours of the day. Training has always made me feel strong, invincible and on top of the world but feeling so out of condition this week made me realise that i need to LOOK AFTER MYSELF. I need to schedule in a week off training every eight weeks, to allow my body to recharge and recover. Eight weeks has always been my magic number, once i push on to ten or eleven weeks i start to feel exhausted and then BOOM, it's too late - i burn out.
So along with the depressed state of mind from my sucky training sessions came some pretty intense cravings. I was battling with my mind not to binge on PB and lindt chocs. Some days I won, some days i didn't. I was desperately trying to figure out how one week i could be so in control of all my actions and then the following week i do a compete 360 and let food control me. And with the lack of control comes self doubt, stress, poor body image and well just complete head fuck. It only occurred to me yesterday that my cravings weren't entirely emotional, there was a hunger factor involved too.

During my two weeks off gym i had naturally eaten less (skipping arvo tea and only having a coffee), adjusting my calorie intake as i wasn't doing any intense workouts. However when i hit the gym again last week, I was still trying to stick to the same meal plan, not thinking to put that extra meal back in. It was doing my head in - why was I so hungry all the time? Where were all these cravings coming from? Then it hit me, my body was crying out for more calories, more food. It really wasn't looking for PB or chocolate, it just wanted more vitamins, minerals, proteins, carbs and fats to balance out my energy expenditure.

I had totally forgot one rule with ESE. You can't FAST and DIET. Otherwise your weekly calorie deficit will be TOO BIG! Hence the extreme hunger and cravings!

So now that i have worked out my huge arse mistake i am in a way better state of mind. I am feeling calm and at peace with myself once again. My confidence is coming back and i know that i will reach my goal weight in the next couple months!!!

Till then, only POSITIVE thoughts and SELF-BELIEF.

Week 10 OAP: Flying through the numbers!

What a fabulous start to a monday morning...

SCALE JOY!

Well after being in scale-denial for two weeks i decided it was time to pay them a visit. (Traveling and sickness had definitely put me in scale-avoidance mode). The fact that i have had two weeks off gym was playing with my mind a little. My body was feeling a little on the soft side as i had done zero resistance training- only walking. But having said my body I'm feeling very refreshed, recuperated and strong now and so is my mind. A good break does wonders.

Week 13           17/03/2011
Weight:              63.2kg  (139.3lbs)

Week 10           4/04/2011
Weight:              62.3kg  (137.3lbs)

Difference:          900g  (2lbs)  LOSS
Difference to Date:    2.9kg (6.4lbs)  LOSS

Goal:                   ~59kg (130.1lbs)
Need to Lose:     3.3kg  (7.3lbs)

Can you give me a WOOT! I was in total shock this morning, i hopped on the scales three times just to be sure lol.

The only thing i am doing different now is..... FASTING again. I know i go through phases with fasting but only because you have to be:
1. in the right mind frame;
2. be committed to the fast, ie. no CHEATING; and
3, doing it to feel great about yourself and NOT doing as punishment.

I have done four x 24-hour fasts since my trip and my body is responding really well. Not only am i beginning to feel in control again (mind and food), but my mind is becoming clearer and it's wierd but i am now getting that endorphin rush that Brad mentions you should feel during the fast. That's when you know you are doing it for the right reasons.

SO on that note, i will be sticking with fasting twice weekly until i smash my goal. Not long now i would think! WOOT WOOT!

I must be off as i have a gym date with Zuzana... this is going to hurt but...

PAIN IS WEAKNESS LEAVING THE BODY!