Confrontation Day: The start of a new journey

Hi, my name is Chelle

And today is confrontation day. It's day 1 of my new journey. I'm here to finally confront some demons once and for all, in doing so I will create my ultimate body (which i WILL MAINTAIN for life) and find peace in my mind, body and soul. I hope my story inspires you along the way.

So before i get started i will give you a quick brief about my past so you can understand why this new journey is so important to me. I'm nearly 24, and for many of you that do/don't know me, i may come across as having close to the 'perfect' life:

Ok brag time: I've experienced many successes in my life so far- Captained the Australian Junior Indoor Soccer (Fustal) Team at 14, Vice School Captain, OP5, Bachelor of Nutrition Science ( i'm a certified Nutritionist), Personal Trainer ( just graduated last week woot!) and have competed in 3 body building (figure) shows over the last two years. I've got an awesome job repping for a natural medicine distributor here in brisvegas, i have an amazing bunch of friends and an athletic body which i think is pretty hot right now hee hee ( I've worked bloody hard for it so I will say what i like!). I'm one of those girls who is full off positive energy, confidence and can light up a room with my smile....Well that's me on the outside.

What most people dont know is that over the past 9 years i've dealt with depression, body image issues and binge eating. (Wow, thats a huge weight off my chest!). This all came about because of a certain someone in my life...my mum. Till this date, she still thinks that i'm overweight and wasting my life away... life's not so rosey hey! So as you can see, i've had many highs and lows. I've done a LOT of soul searching over the past few years and can now happily say that since about May this year, i'm doing pretty good emotionally :) I have finally accepted the fact that my mum will never change, probably will never be proud of my accomplishments so i dont bother trying to impress her anymore- its not worth my while. So now I live my life to please ME and ME ONLY!

Now there is one more thing i need to overcome so i can finally break free! And that is a little issue called- Binge Eating! This nightmare habit has held me back from achieving and MAINTAINING my ultimate body, and is also the reason why i haven't been shredded comp day...secrets out :) Now so you know its not a daily occurrence ( was quite frequent at times in the past), but these days its usually a couple times a week. I'm totally aware that binge eating has nothing to do with actual hunger but its a craving response to emotions- you're eating to fill a void but food will never satisfy the cause of the emotion. In the past if i was upset, i would usually eat a bar of Cadbury Dream or Double Coated Tim Tams to make me feel better. Emotions need to be dealt with at an emotional level, not at a physical one. I'm still trying to figure out what i am searching for... maybe its love, not sure yet.

Being a nutritionist, my knowlege of food is pretty damn good, so my 5 meals a day are planned meticulously and extremely well balanced. It's just this over- snacking /grazing thing thats happens from 4-8pm a couple times a week that needs to be eliminated. I'm not always eating junk either: prunes, dried dates, nuts and peanut butter are usually the culprit, so as of today they will be OFF the menu for a while. Other vices are dark chocolate, 85% Lindt yum and icecream. Hazelnut swirl from Baskins and Robbins usually hits the spot. I'm not really into savouries- chips, pastries, fast food, pizza, cheeses, pasta i could go years without!

For me, what sets of a binge is usually one of two things:

1. Lack of sleep- sleep is SO important, not enough shut eye and your body just falls way out of balance. My body reacts by just being continuously hungry for that entire day. So instead of heading to the kitchen for a pick me up, i WILL now head to bed to rest. Did you know that sugar/carbs late at night disrupts sleep cycles!?

2. Eating naughty foods. This is the tough one. That initial taste of chocolate/icecream or something sweet sends my taste buds outta control and they just want more and more. Sadly the last taste is never as great as the first one, and i end up feeling bloated and grose, so my goal is to work on portion control and to create the habit to just say NO, enough is enough!

I am also gonna start using Martin & Pleasance Craving Control. Its a homeopathic remedy that is suppose to reduce cravings, will let ya know how if it works!

A bit about my body:

My weight has yo-yo'd a bit between 60-68.5kg over the years since i hit 17. So i bit the bullet on tuesday and got my weight and skins measured at my gym. I've always hated confrontation in the past, but i needed to do this to move forward. So right now i weigh 65.8kg @ 19% body fat over 7 sites. Now i know better then to let numbers dictate my life but my ultimate goal is to feel comfortable training in a crop top at the gym. So i believe somewhere around 63kg @ 16/17% body fat should do the trick. But seriously girls, who cares what the numbers read if your body is smoking hot! To add to that, i'm not planning on suiciding myself with training to get there either. I've been training long enough to know that "YOU CANNOT OUT TRAIN A POOR DIET!" So enough said, eliminating this nightmare habit will allow me to achieve my goal by christmas. I'm pretty confident in the way my body looks right now ( though i only competed 2 weeks ago), however i've got a little tummy ( my sugar belly :) ) which i HATE! My masseuse keeps reminding me, "the fat will go when you find peace in your heart", (stress+ cortisol= belly fat!). So with my new found committment to the world today, abs will be my christmas present to myself. I'd better make a mental note to take a photo christmas day!

Before photo's eeekkkk! Ok these are at my heaviest- 68.5kg. I've hit that mark at few times over the years, but these pics were taken in January 2009. I hit an all time low point a couple months after my first comp last year.

These were taken a couple weeks ago at the INBA Qld Titles. I have to admit, i have the best butt in the business, I have nicknamed her Kylie :)

Ok i think i've been rambling for long enough today, but i have to say this exercise has been very therapeutic (thanks Steph), time to LET GO and MOVE ON!