Sunday, October 4, 2009

Confrontation Day: The start of a new journey

Hi, my name is Chelle

And today is confrontation day. It's day 1 of my new journey. I'm here to finally confront some demons once and for all, in doing so I will create my ultimate body (which i WILL MAINTAIN for life) and find peace in my mind, body and soul. I hope my story inspires you along the way.

So before i get started i will give you a quick brief about my past so you can understand why this new journey is so important to me. I'm nearly 24, and for many of you that do/don't know me, i may come across as having close to the 'perfect' life:

Ok brag time: I've experienced many successes in my life so far- Captained the Australian Junior Indoor Soccer (Fustal) Team at 14, Vice School Captain, OP5, Bachelor of Nutrition Science ( i'm a certified Nutritionist), Personal Trainer ( just graduated last week woot!) and have competed in 3 body building (figure) shows over the last two years. I've got an awesome job repping for a natural medicine distributor here in brisvegas, i have an amazing bunch of friends and an athletic body which i think is pretty hot right now hee hee ( I've worked bloody hard for it so I will say what i like!). I'm one of those girls who is full off positive energy, confidence and can light up a room with my smile....Well that's me on the outside.

What most people dont know is that over the past 9 years i've dealt with depression, body image issues and binge eating. (Wow, thats a huge weight off my chest!). This all came about because of a certain someone in my life...my mum. Till this date, she still thinks that i'm overweight and wasting my life away... life's not so rosey hey! So as you can see, i've had many highs and lows. I've done a LOT of soul searching over the past few years and can now happily say that since about May this year, i'm doing pretty good emotionally :) I have finally accepted the fact that my mum will never change, probably will never be proud of my accomplishments so i dont bother trying to impress her anymore- its not worth my while. So now I live my life to please ME and ME ONLY!

Now there is one more thing i need to overcome so i can finally break free! And that is a little issue called- Binge Eating! This nightmare habit has held me back from achieving and MAINTAINING my ultimate body, and is also the reason why i haven't been shredded comp day...secrets out :) Now so you know its not a daily occurrence ( was quite frequent at times in the past), but these days its usually a couple times a week. I'm totally aware that binge eating has nothing to do with actual hunger but its a craving response to emotions- you're eating to fill a void but food will never satisfy the cause of the emotion. In the past if i was upset, i would usually eat a bar of Cadbury Dream or Double Coated Tim Tams to make me feel better. Emotions need to be dealt with at an emotional level, not at a physical one. I'm still trying to figure out what i am searching for... maybe its love, not sure yet.

Being a nutritionist, my knowlege of food is pretty damn good, so my 5 meals a day are planned meticulously and extremely well balanced. It's just this over- snacking /grazing thing thats happens from 4-8pm a couple times a week that needs to be eliminated. I'm not always eating junk either: prunes, dried dates, nuts and peanut butter are usually the culprit, so as of today they will be OFF the menu for a while. Other vices are dark chocolate, 85% Lindt yum and icecream. Hazelnut swirl from Baskins and Robbins usually hits the spot. I'm not really into savouries- chips, pastries, fast food, pizza, cheeses, pasta i could go years without!

For me, what sets of a binge is usually one of two things:

1. Lack of sleep- sleep is SO important, not enough shut eye and your body just falls way out of balance. My body reacts by just being continuously hungry for that entire day. So instead of heading to the kitchen for a pick me up, i WILL now head to bed to rest. Did you know that sugar/carbs late at night disrupts sleep cycles!?

2. Eating naughty foods. This is the tough one. That initial taste of chocolate/icecream or something sweet sends my taste buds outta control and they just want more and more. Sadly the last taste is never as great as the first one, and i end up feeling bloated and grose, so my goal is to work on portion control and to create the habit to just say NO, enough is enough!

I am also gonna start using Martin & Pleasance Craving Control. Its a homeopathic remedy that is suppose to reduce cravings, will let ya know how if it works!

A bit about my body:

My weight has yo-yo'd a bit between 60-68.5kg over the years since i hit 17. So i bit the bullet on tuesday and got my weight and skins measured at my gym. I've always hated confrontation in the past, but i needed to do this to move forward. So right now i weigh 65.8kg @ 19% body fat over 7 sites. Now i know better then to let numbers dictate my life but my ultimate goal is to feel comfortable training in a crop top at the gym. So i believe somewhere around 63kg @ 16/17% body fat should do the trick. But seriously girls, who cares what the numbers read if your body is smoking hot! To add to that, i'm not planning on suiciding myself with training to get there either. I've been training long enough to know that "YOU CANNOT OUT TRAIN A POOR DIET!" So enough said, eliminating this nightmare habit will allow me to achieve my goal by christmas. I'm pretty confident in the way my body looks right now ( though i only competed 2 weeks ago), however i've got a little tummy ( my sugar belly :) ) which i HATE! My masseuse keeps reminding me, "the fat will go when you find peace in your heart", (stress+ cortisol= belly fat!). So with my new found committment to the world today, abs will be my christmas present to myself. I'd better make a mental note to take a photo christmas day!



Before photo's eeekkkk! Ok these are at my heaviest- 68.5kg. I've hit that mark at few times over the years, but these pics were taken in January 2009. I hit an all time low point a couple months after my first comp last year.


These were taken a couple weeks ago at the INBA Qld Titles. I have to admit, i have the best butt in the business, I have nicknamed her Kylie :)

Ok i think i've been rambling for long enough today, but i have to say this exercise has been very therapeutic (thanks Steph), time to LET GO and MOVE ON!

14 comments:

  1. Chelle,
    Your story is definately inspirational and touching. I have to say thanks for being so open and honest, cos I think we sometimes forget that there are others out there going throughthe same issues. Brought tears to my eyes.
    Take care

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  2. Hey woman!
    Nice to get to know you a little more!
    Read the way of the samurai "harahachibu" <-- the system of eating of the samurai .. in English it translates to 80% full .. You eat until you are 80% full, and you stop, physiologically it's enough :)
    Anyway, from a psychological perspective you are quite right .. one needs to defuse the bomb before it has a chance to explode, hence telling yourself not to eat shit will work for a while, but you will hit a limit and break your rule eventually .. the way of eliminating the problem is by defusing the source, why do you eat? how do you feel? bla bla bla ..
    Anyway, if you wanna work on this, get into NLP (Neuro linguistic programming) .. My work is based on this almost completely .. look at my site www.dobrenov.com
    Otherwise, stay well, and enjoy your body for you, not for the competitions ..
    Go to the gym to build a body, not an ego ..
    Ciao!

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  3. Hey Michelle,
    Good post, it does really help hey. When you publically voice a goal it kind of gives you another aspect of accountability.
    I'm lucky (in a way) in that I usually deal with stress by not eating. However, since competing this year I can empathise with binge eaters. I've had a couple of instances, usually past half way through the mal, when I loose control and just start stuffing my face. Back to the cupboard or the store for seconds or thirds, and it's really hard to stop! I'm glad I don't get chocolate cravings, but put a pizza anywhere near me and DAMN!

    So anyway, best of luck with your goals! If/when you compete again you should go and see Jon... His no bullsh*t, no secrets, no excuses approach is simply the best. It's nice knowing that if you do what he says you will definately be the best you can be when you step on stage. I don't know how I would have coped mentally getting ready for the show without having that complete faith in his ability.

    Ali x

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  4. Hi Michelle! Welcome to blog world :) I'm not a binge eater but I am a "this little bit won't hurt" eater. For my body I may as well binge cause every oz hurts. I now think of certain foods as poison so I won't eat them and it helps.

    Starting a clean diet after a show is SO SO important! I know you need time to relax and chill but it won't do your newly found physique any good.

    Good luck to you and i'll be checking in :)

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  5. hi chele welcome aboard! love your first post it hits home with me too so i look foward to your blogging!

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  6. Hi there! Welcome to blogland, congrats on your achievemnents, good luck with keeping the binge monster under control, & good luck with your future dreams! I look forward to following your journey! :-)

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  7. Hi Michelle, nice to put a name to a face at long last!! I have seen you at most of the comps over the past year or so. I am Tara. Good luck with ur maintenance. You have come to the right place for inspiration, motivation, friendship and support.

    Tara xx

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  8. hey michelle! wow, i can COMPLETELY relate with your post. i am also a competitor and currently working on my binge habits as well and it is nice to know i'm not the only one. really looking forward to your posts :)

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  9. Hi Michelle, welcome. It feels great to get it all out of your system an on your 'blog'. Es

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  10. Hi Michelle, welcome to blogland! I know exactly how you feel in regards to binge eating i have that problem myself, i recently competed in my very first comp the INBAs in Sept and im freaking out about post comp blowout, so far ive put on a few kgs nothing i should be stressing over YET but if i dont get my emotional eating under control ill be a balloon in no time! I look forward to following you on your journey for those abs for xmas, what an awesome pressie hehe! Nice to meet you
    Hannah : )

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  12. Hi Chelle & Welcome! It's great to meet another blogger who's also health and fitness passionate. Like you, I started blogging but all the way back in 2005. LOL!! It's a great place and anything goes so I look forward to following your figure journey. Have fun! :o) xxx

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  13. wow i feel like u just read my mind!
    im exactly like u! i never use to binge until i started competing& when i do,it so good at the time but after it all goes down hill(coz wat goes up must come down!)I nibble on prunes,nuts,figs &i relaise wen i do eat these that wen i want more!iv try to stay as far away from them as i can.&yeh major sweet tooth for me!

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  14. What an amazing transformation from the before / after photos. Kudos girl!

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