Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Tight =) with Anxiety =(

It's only taken 4 days but i am finally feeling TIGHT! WOOT! I've got my body figured out and that's exactly how long it always takes for any fluid retention to go after a night of processed naughties. Should be enough to scare me off a binging bender again hey!? My shorty gym shorts now fit. I have like 3 sizes of gym shorts as i'm sure many of you may do too. (I live in gym shorts- not a fan of 3/4 tights unless its snowing ...highly unlikely in brisvegas LOL, or unless i'm doing a spin class)

Fat shorts - they are dark colours (navy blues, blacks and browns). Still relatively short to what the 'normal' person would wear, but will appear on my body when i'm 20.2% BF or higher....By the end of OSB i want to be confident knowing that these shorts can be thrown in the garbage bin!
Shorty shorts - getting brighter - reds and blues. These are an inch shorter than my Fat Shorts, so i now have a terrible tan line LOL.
Horn shorts - white - oh yeah, this is when I know my bootay is smoking hot! Also includes shorty bike pants. Both these will be worn towards the end of OSB!

SO that is the good news...

Now the bad news...

I want to acknowledge that i'm dealing with a bit of anxiety. Its really just come on in the past week or two, since this comment. As i mentioned a few posts ago, i am the happiest i have ever been in my adult life (when i am outside of the house) but this anxiety thing is becoming a bit of an issue. I am NOT depressed ( been there) or sad, this feels different. I seem to be highly stressed out and on edge all the time. I find it difficult to wind down, chill out and relax, and can get quite snappy/angry at times (just with family members). The one good thing is that I'm sleeping really well, about 7 hours a night, but i do have crazy dreams. (i think that has to do with Rescue Sleep).

After having relatives stay over last week (whom confirmed Hemorrhoid is completely Nuts), it really dawned on me what a toxic environment i am living in. The energy in my house is very negative, my parents fight all day, Hemorrhoid is just being a hemorrhoid and no one treats me with any respect. I get asked all the time for an opinion (usually on nutrition related stuff) but once i open my mouth i immediately get shut down. That really ticks me off. I have a fuckin degree in the above and they still talk to me like i'm a nobody.

I've even been stressing out big time over my dad's diet. (He's only a few kgs, maybe 5-6kg overweight, but he is 68yrs and an 'emotional eater'.) I refuse to give him advice unless he asks for it, but the amount of butter, cheese, bread and chocolate he consumes really disgusts worries me cos i'm scared he will have a heart attack on me. But i dont wanna say anything cos i know just how much he hates Hemorrhoid nagging at him, which is the reason they fight all day long.

I'm completely in happy mode once i'm out of the house and at the gym. I'm usually fine at work, though today i was in the car heaps and really shouldnt have listened to any trance. It made me over-think too much. I'm able to clear my head during my arvo walk or when i am blogging, but the minute i try to relax in this house i feel my heart starts to race, my mind is a whirlwind of thoughts and I feel really claustrophobic.

I even had to resort to taking some kava today. I had some sample stock from work and thought i'd give it a try. (its been product of the season for a little while now and i've heard good feedback from my clients). OMG so not a good idea. Kava is a herb that is effective in alleviating anxiety by promoting mental relaxation and calmness. It didn't agree with me (it may work wonders for you though) and totally made me feel like a space cadet lol! I didn't make me relax, dopey or calm, just weird in the head, hard to explain. 3 hours later and i was still highly strung out. It wasnt until i got into fits of laughter at an afternoon appointment that i went back to happy chelle.

AAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

What to do?.... I know what i have to do....... Buy a unit......Simple......Just gotta get my arse into gear and bite the bullet..........But i'm a little scared of having a mortgage too....

I know i also need to completely LET GO of any emotional thoughts related to family, but sometimes that is just fuckin hard.

9 comments:

  1. very good blog, congratulations
    regard from Reus Catalonia
    thank you

    http://telamamaria.blogspot.com

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  2. Wow Chelle, what an open and honest post. Nobody can tell you what to do. Nobody can make the decisions for you. It is up to you to focus on what is important for you and workout the best possible means of attaining that. Yes, a mortgage is a huge responsibility but so is your health and sanity, and wellbeing. What price do you put on happiness? Frankly it is just as important in life as being fit and healthy. What is the point of being super fit and super healthy if you can't smile each day, or if you can't live in an environment that you feel free and comfortable in? What is the point of walking around on tip toes all of the time?

    Also, I think as daughters we tend to take and feel a huge amount of responsibility for our parents. Boys seem to be more laid back and relaxed, but girls want to nuture and keep their parents safe (just as the parent did for us!)

    Often it is hard to sit back and watch others behaviours (ie, your dad's eating patterns) but "if the pupil is not ready he will not learn!" Sometimes it takes a bigger event to take place before these people see the light.

    Nobody on my hubby's side of the family EVER ask me about education or health & fitness. They critisize me for ANYTHING n& EVERYTHING, but will not openly ask for my assistance. At first it used to get me down too. They are all overweight, with a few who are obese, and they have a source of information at their fingertips for free.......but they are ignorant and mock others through their own insecurities and jealousies!!!!

    You are a strong, independent woman Chelle....reach for the happiness YOU deserve and the rest will follow!!!!

    P.S. sorry this is soooooo long.

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  3. Oh, forgot to say......we drank Kava in Fiji and Vanuatu.....EEEEUUUWWWW!!!! Disgusting stuff!!!!! Like muddy old water......but the after affects is why the locals drink it. In Vanuatu they say it is the 'peace' drink, as it calms you and makes everybody be friends, unlike our beers and spirits here in Aussie that make people fight!!!

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  4. Wow, thanks for taking the time to write such a thoughtful and looong post =). I know i can't put a price on my health OR happiness, i just gotta take the first step ... and type in www.realestate.com.au. Really, how hard is that lol!

    I've heard kava juice is gross!

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  5. Move in with a bunch of bodybuilders.

    Share house full of fitness freaks = what could be better?

    Cheap(ish) rent + winning environment + hot bodies. Really? Was there any other alternatives? :P

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  6. LOL....Time for me to buy girl. I even sussed out realestate.com today!!!

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  7. Woot!

    Good luck with buying a place! Thinking of mortgages is giving me the chills :P

    (pppssssttt maybe you can rent out the spare bedrooms to a bunch of sporty fit people)

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  8. Thanks, i think rochedale south might be a go-er, there's quite a few units under $300K! .....Yes a fit roomie is on the cards =)

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