Fat shorts - they are dark colours (navy blues, blacks and browns). Still relatively short to what the 'normal' person would wear, but will appear on my body when i'm 20.2% BF or higher....By the end of OSB i want to be confident knowing that these shorts can be thrown in the garbage bin!
Shorty shorts - getting brighter - reds and blues. These are an inch shorter than my Fat Shorts, so i now have a terrible tan line LOL.
Horn shorts - white - oh yeah, this is when I know my bootay is smoking hot! Also includes shorty bike pants. Both these will be worn towards the end of OSB!
SO that is the good news...
Now the bad news...
I want to acknowledge that i'm dealing with a bit of anxiety. Its really just come on in the past week or two, since this comment. As i mentioned a few posts ago, i am the happiest i have ever been in my adult life (when i am outside of the house) but this anxiety thing is becoming a bit of an issue. I am NOT depressed ( been there) or sad, this feels different. I seem to be highly stressed out and on edge all the time. I find it difficult to wind down, chill out and relax, and can get quite snappy/angry at times (just with family members). The one good thing is that I'm sleeping really well, about 7 hours a night, but i do have crazy dreams. (i think that has to do with Rescue Sleep).
After having relatives stay over last week (whom confirmed Hemorrhoid is completely Nuts), it really dawned on me what a toxic environment i am living in. The energy in my house is very negative, my parents fight all day, Hemorrhoid is just being a hemorrhoid and no one treats me with any respect. I get asked all the time for an opinion (usually on nutrition related stuff) but once i open my mouth i immediately get shut down. That really ticks me off. I have a fuckin degree in the above and they still talk to me like i'm a nobody.
I've even been stressing out big time over my dad's diet. (He's only a few kgs, maybe 5-6kg overweight, but he is 68yrs and an 'emotional eater'.) I refuse to give him advice unless he asks for it, but the amount of butter, cheese, bread and chocolate he consumes really
I'm completely in happy mode once i'm out of the house and at the gym. I'm usually fine at work, though today i was in the car heaps and really shouldnt have listened to any trance. It made me over-think too much. I'm able to clear my head during my arvo walk or when i am blogging, but the minute i try to relax in this house i feel my heart starts to race, my mind is a whirlwind of thoughts and I feel really claustrophobic.
I even had to resort to taking some kava today. I had some sample stock from work and thought i'd give it a try. (its been product of the season for a little while now and i've heard good feedback from my clients). OMG so not a good idea. Kava is a herb that is effective in alleviating anxiety by promoting mental relaxation and calmness. It didn't agree with me (it may work wonders for you though) and totally made me feel like a space cadet lol! I didn't make me relax, dopey or calm, just weird in the head, hard to explain. 3 hours later and i was still highly strung out. It wasnt until i got into fits of laughter at an afternoon appointment that i went back to happy chelle.
What to do?.... I know what i have to do....... Buy a unit......Simple......Just gotta get my arse into gear and bite the bullet..........But i'm a little scared of having a mortgage too....
I know i also need to completely LET GO of any emotional thoughts related to family, but sometimes that is just fuckin hard.